10 May, 2007

Depressed

I'm so depressed. Somebody tell me a joke.

17 Comments:

Blogger Jessica said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

2:42 am  
Blogger 962 said...

I stole this from another website or blog and I apologise but needs must

An englishman a scits man and an Irishman in a pub in Hong Kong discussing pubs in their own countries.
Englishman my pub gives you a pint of guiness when you by a pint of guiness,
Scotsman aye thats nothing my oub give you two when you but one pint of guiness
Irishman thats nothing, in my pub they give you three pints, put you in a cab and give you a shag when you get home.
Other two did that happen to you then?
No my sister

It made me smile as much as

How does an essex girl turn the light on?
She opens the car door

Or

How do you know when an Essex girl has had an orgasm?
She drops her chips

Feeling better

3:51 am  
Blogger Troika said...

I think we're all thoroughly depressed now.

5:13 am  
Blogger dgny said...

I never remember jokes. The only one I can ever remember is awful and you have to be a man to tell it:

Man: How many feminists does it take to screw in a lghtbulb?

Answer: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY C**K.

Sorry, I know, it's a sad, sad excuse for a joke.

6:34 am  
Blogger dgny said...

Oh and the G just told me that he loves the WORLD OF WARCRAFT more than me. Now I'm *really* depressed.

6:36 am  
Blogger Troika said...

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A guy goes to prison for the first time and is bloody nervous. He finds himself sharing a cell with the biggest guy he has ever seen.

On the first night the big guy leans over and says, "Alright, mate. You and me are gonna be playing a lot of mummies and daddies in here. So who do you wanna be? The mummy or the daddy?"

The new guy thinks to himself that this bloke probably has a massive dick, and decides he would rather 'give' than 'receive'.

"Um... erm... well, I suppose I'll be the Daddy then."

"A good choice, Mate," Says the big guy. "Now come over here and suck Mummy's cock."

8:02 am  
Blogger FBT said...

I'm feeling much better now, thank you.

8:54 am  
Blogger Icedink said...

A guy in a bar gets chatting to an older woman. After a few drinks, she tells him she's 57 and asks him if he's ever had a Sportsman's Double, ie, a threesome with a mother and daughter. He says he hasn't and she tells him it's his lucky night. A few more drinks follow and they get a taxi to her house. Then she opens the front door and shouts upstairs: "Mum, are you awake?".

6:04 pm  
Blogger dgny said...

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Are you a string?"

The String says, "Yes, I am."

The bartender says, "We don't serve string here, you need to leave".

The string goes outside and twists himself into a loop and messes up his hair and walks back in.

The bartender says, "Are you a string?"

The String says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

2:46 pm  
Blogger bobbie said...

Now, I'm depressed.

7:50 am  
Blogger mango said...

me too

11:55 am  
Blogger FBT said...

hullo bobs, i was beginning to think you had fallen under a bus.

DG, at last a wholesome joke.

11:50 am  
Blogger dgny said...

I quite like the string joke. But then I'm easily amused.

4:04 pm  
Blogger FBT said...

I have 3 jokes:

1. A skeleton walks into a bar and says: Give me a beer. And a mop.

2. A zero and an 8 are walking in the desert. The 0 looks at the 8 and says: Aren't you hot, wearing that belt?

3. Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: You don't know, man. You weren't there.

1:46 am  
Blogger hugh said...

The Vet joke's brilliant. Talking of American foibles, we started to watch An Inconvenient Truth on DVD yesterday. I say "started", not because I switched off in disgust at all Gore's name-dropping and the fact that he used pictures of the earth taken from space as a backdrop for himself. No, not becayse of that, at all, but because the hot pot was ready. Anyway, as we were heading downstairs (the cousins have a big house in Ping Long - look it up on the map!), my daughter asked us, "What's his 6-year-old son got to do with global warming?"

THAT'S MY GAL! (Keep sticking it to the champagne socialist NIMBIES, luv...)

7:34 am  
Blogger fish said...

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with voluptuous breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.

Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King quickly summoned Nick. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts.

The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.

Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, and with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear.

3:21 pm  
Blogger FBT said...

every time I try to raise the tone of this blog, they pull me back down...

6:46 am  

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