14 November, 2008

People eh!

All kinds of minor people incidents today.

First of all some irate bloke in the office came storming up while East End Boy and I were on the speakerphone talking to a confused guy in nostro management, saying, You know there are other people trying to work over there, indicating Legal. It was after 6pm on a Friday in an office in London - there were about 2 people left on the entire floor. I said pacifyingly, we're nearly done, and East End Boy did the male now-I'm-going-to-add-five-minutes-to-my-conversation-because-you-can't-tell-me-what-to-do thing. Anyway, stroppy guy stomped off and EEB and I looked at each other and said, Who was that? He wasn't even from Legal. God knows who he was. Some over-strained lunatic.

Then on the train on the way home, this pompous guy came and insisted on sitting in the seat next to me where I had placed all my bags of shopping, so I had to move them all onto my lap. So then he says, Can I help you put those on the rack? Which sounds like a nice thing to say, but it really isn't, because it is just as inconvenient for me to get all my shopping off the luggage rack 10 minutes later when I get off the train as it is for me to hold the shopping on my lap. And what he was really saying was that it was not he who was inconveniencing me by making me hold my shopping on my lap, but in fact I who was inconveniencing him by not putting my shopping on the luggage rack in the first place. Passive aggressive tosspot. So sod him too.

Then on the bus further along on the way home, this South American guy suddenly started on at some girl, saying extremely loudly and expletive-ladenly: Take your f**king foot off the seat. She just ignored him. He kept on and on (not really doing his cause any favours by swearing quite so much) until eventually she said, in a really posh up-herself voice, Oh, stop talking to me as if you know me. And he persisted in telling her to take her f**king foot off the seat, and she kept on refusing. Then the woman sitting opposite her said, He's right, you know. Then Sweary Guy had to get off the bus, so he went down the aisle, still cursing and swearing about her foot on the seat and all the way down the aisle, people were saying to him, You're quite right, well done, we all agree with you. One guy who was coming down the stairs said to him, You've got to have manners. And Sweary Guy says, Wouldn't take her f**king foot off the seat. Born with sh*t in her mouth! And Stairs Guy said, Oh, yes, manners are very important, to this guy who was turning the air on the bus absolutely blue with oaths. It was hysterical. The whole bus was united in its loathing of the horrible posh blonde bitch who wouldn't take her foot off the seat. We hate people who put their feet on the seats. We HATE them. In fact, we f**king hate them!

9 Comments:

Blogger dgny said...

I was on the ferry a few weeks ago and couldn't believe how many people had their feet on the seats with shoes on. I just took mine off and popped my socked feet on the seat. Would the people on the bus f**king hate me for that? I hope not, because it's a long ferry ride and I like to put my feet up.

Oooh! word verification: flays. Surely that's what ought to have happened to the snobby girl whose feet were too good for you lot.

4:30 am  
Blogger SMW said...

Hey, how come you say you have no money in one post but come home wiht bags of shopping in another? More creative accounting at play?

9:22 am  
Blogger FBT said...

Nobody could hate you, DG. Whereas frankly this girl being posh and blonde was enough to make us hate her, even without the feet on the seat.

SMW, the reason I have no money is because I squander it all on shopping for things like the ingredients for Curly's insanely complicated porcupine birthday cake (thinks: why did I ever buy that Party Cakes book from MPH in KL in 2002? I was a fool! A fool, I tell you!)

12:18 pm  
Blogger dgny said...

Oh good, I was worried there for a minute. Did you use chocolate pockey sticks for the porcupine? What a yummy idea...!

1:00 am  
Blogger ulaca said...

Whoever invented the descriptor "passive-aggressive" deserves a medal. Unanswerable without digging an even bigger hole.

1:19 am  
Blogger Private Beach said...

What if the guy had just asked her politely to please take her feet off the seat? It was probably his dictatorial attitude that pissed her off more than the actual request.

Why didn't someone tell him to "stop f@#$ing swearing"?

3:33 am  
Blogger FBT said...

I used Flakes, and coloured marzipan for feet, eyes, nose etc. The general consensus was that it looked like Marty Feldman. You know, it's quite a skill making a hedgehog resemble a celebrity.

Mr Beach, that was the funny thing - nobody seemed to mind the swearing - or rather, it was obvious to all, that this was a man who was slightly off his head and worn down by life's woes, whereas the girl was just an arrogant little twerp.

Word verification: hombl. Yes, if she had only been a bit more hombl, all the unpleasantness could have been avoided.

9:30 pm  
Blogger MacDuff said...

What gave him away as South American?
Wasnt that Harry Hutton was it as it sounds like him.

8:36 pm  
Blogger FBT said...

his big bag of cocaine

7:50 pm  

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