22 October, 2007

Children's Fashions

Went to Siegfried at ROH on Sunday. Unfortunately I didn't actually have a ticket for Siegfried on Sunday. What I had was a ticket for Siegfried for Wed next. How foolish I felt! Especially as I'd had to leave a superlative feast at the house of My Tenuous Connection to Showbiz Relative in Banstead early to make the show that I didn't have a ticket for.

There were many many youthful cousins at this Malaysian binge. I tried to remember how I felt when I was 19. I certainly did not feel as confident and self-possessed as they appeared to be. I don't feel that confident and self-possessed now. Och, it's all a sham!

The gannets ate up all my refrigerator cake. I did not get a look in. We were given some leftover tapioca cake to take home instead. Tapioca splot vs dark chocolate, butter and golden syrup melted over digestives and cherries - is this a fair exchange, I ask?

Spent this afternoon ploughing Oxford Street looking for winter clothes for the children. The only nice things I could find for Larry were in European and American outlets (Gap, Benetton etc). All the British department stores (even good old JLP) think that once a girl reaches the age of 10 she is ripe to be marketed to for designer fare in a style that I can only describe as Young Slapper. Absolutely appalling. Saw lots of nice things for me though (in the grown-up ladies' shops, not the Young Slapper department, no mutton dressed up as lamb for me thank you) - but no time to try anything on.

I see from Marie Claire that the oldest national average age for people to lose their virginity is 23 (that was beautifully expressed, wasn't it?) - and which country is the proud possessor of that noble record? Yes! It's Malaysia! If only not having sex were an Olympic sport. Then we would have a gold medal to add to our badminton bronze.


Blogger dgny said...

Over 10? I've seen Young Slapper™ for even younger! ICK! It's a nightmare trying to buy outfits for my niece. Of course there's always Laura Ashley, but then that's a whole other kind of fetish, no?

I love Gap and her cheap tawdry cousin, Old Navy. The G wears their stuff pretty much exclusively. Rugged, durable, sensible *and* fashionable. What more could you want? (But then I've noticed no one makes Young Slapper™ for boys. Perhaps we should start a line and call it Motty™? We could sell it at your brothel.)

10:35 pm  
Blogger bobbie said...

Next usually has some decent clothes for girls.

11:35 pm  
Blogger 962 said...

the best post for ages had me upsetting people in the lobby when i started laughing
like those mobile phone things that go in your ear nobody knows why you are going insane or at least exhibiting the symptons

the virginity bit was that the average for the combined population or just the females

i would expect that asia generally would have a pretty high age level for "lov"

and now to slapper is there really a clothes brand called that?

maybe there should be

i have always felt that the worlds and particuarly the shoe buying half of it follows fashion in a most obscene manner

first you have the half men designers who really want their women to look like young boys because thats their sexual position and then the fact that the vast majority of women swooning over the garments have lardy arses

why are their no mags for lardy arse fashion, if you can use your imagination one way and imagine you will look good in it why not imagine that it really does make your butt look smaller

why is there no mens boys fashion stores same reason why a number of shoe shops dont sell mens shoes, we dont give a flying fart for fashion and anybody who says we do is a brainwashed pc ponce

Im on holiday in Thailand at the moment surrounded by russians who are squeezing in to a size 20 thong uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

its like being in the romantic section of the national gallery copiuos, in fact extrodinary amounts of unsecured flesh slowly turning pink. the waiters are scared they will get sucked in as the beasts roll over and slap globs of white mutton fat onto their cellulite ravaged thighs
there husbands dream, there hands holding their guts with belly buttons never likely to get burnt.
small ladies swish buy gracefully smiling and thats not what the men are dreaming about

The silence is shattered by the white alpha male complaining that he dosent know what drink he will get and how bad it is that they cant understand english, hotels should not employ staff that cant. other national alphas are expressing the same sentiment in french, spanish, russian, german and american, but not unfortunately in tie.

3:55 am  
Blogger 962 said...

thai bugger that spellcheck

3:59 am  
Blogger Fumier said...

Would you have made the team, Phiz? Such a waste if you had.


4:26 am  
Blogger ulaca said...

The blessings of having an 11-year-old who's happy to wear hand-me-downs from her two fashion-conscious cousins...

6:01 am  
Blogger FBT said...

DG, what an inspired idea! Why are you not already a millionaire when you display such entrepreneurial flair. I like 962's idea about a fashion mag for lardarses too.

Fumie, I am never successful at competitive sports.

7:36 am  
Blogger dgny said...

I know, I know. It's sad, really.

3:26 pm  
Blogger Andrew said...

I'm still struggling to work out what JLP stands for.

I'm fighting Mrs. Ha's belief that I should dress more fashionably but sadly I'm losing in the interests of marital harmony.

10:54 am  
Blogger odaiwai (安大衛) said...

JLP = John Lewis & something.

11:55 am  
Blogger ulaca said...

It's Toast's passion for accuracy. John Lewis Partnership. My mother used to drag me to Oxford St to buy lamentable items of school uniform. My wife's resistance to my slovenly ways is all but broken after 15 years of training. Nothing more than a raised eyebrow now when I buy two of the same thing because I like it.

6:20 am  
Blogger FBT said...

what's wrong with buying two of the same thing because you like it? Although I do at least try to get different colours.

12:19 am  
Blogger ulaca said...

Actually, it's the same-colour thing that gets her most.

2:45 am  
Blogger dgny said...

I recently bought trousers in two different colours *and* sizes. I *wish* I'd bought ten of my favourite jeans (top shop).

Another shop you might try is White Stuff. I don't know if they have a kids' line, but their t-shirts are perfection.

5:10 am  

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